“This conversation is pointless!!”

That’s what I was recently told by the council’s planning officer who was managing my application for a new heat pump installation.

I’d tried multiple times to explain to her that the pre-commencement condition she was asking me to agree to was unrealistic. It would have meant we had no power in our home.

Yet no matter how I tried to explain my reasoning, she responded with the same statement: “If you don’t agree to the pre- commencement condition, I will reject the application on noise pollution grounds.”

I could sense she didn’t fully understand the implications of the condition, and she had failed to recognise that they didn’t make any rational sense. The harder I tried to explain, the more she insisted that failure to accept the condition would result in an application rejection.

And then she told me, “This conversation is pointless.”

Bam!!

There was no emotion. Very little sense of how her comment might be perceived. No attempt to understand my position.

I was slightly stunned, not sure how to respond. We ended our conversation.

Shortly after the conversation ended, I realised it wasn’t her fault. She hadn’t been taught how to communicate effectively.

Had she communicated that way in most places of work, other than perhaps public service, there would have been immediate consequences. Clients or colleagues would quit, or at very least complain.

Communication is the lifeline of humanity. It’s part of our competitive edge in the animal kingdom. We’re able to listen, process information, and then respond with empathy and compassion.

But it doesn’t always work that way. When we’re under great stress, empathy and compassion is quickly lost.

My girlfriend and I moved house last weekend. We were both working from very little sleep. We had many challenges to deal with. Our normal kind and effortless communication became strained.

We knew we weren’t living up to the high standards we set ourselves. We also felt powerless, at times, to be better. Stress and fatigue is a formidable force.

Success, by any measure, requires exquisite communication skills. You cannot avoid the requirement to persuasively articulate your perspective to others. You also need to learn how to listen carefully and absorb the views of others.

The words you choose need to inspire the people you are speaking to. You need to give them the impression that you see them, you hear them, and that you’ve got their back.

If you can do that, people will fall in line behind your mission.

I need to know how your story ended!!

If you’re curious how my conversation with the planning officer ended:

Before we hung up, the lady in question agreed to speak with her manager regarding the concerns I had raised. Later that day, I received the following email from her:

“I have discussed your concerns with the Area Team Manager and, given the noise levels of the proposed ASHP would not exceed 40dB, as stated in your previous email, we can remove the pre-commencement condition from the application.

I will proceed with the application accordingly.”

I’m not sure she ever fully understood my concern. Sometimes you need to find a short cut.

If the person you’re communicating with doesn’t understand you, find someone else to talk to.

My goal wasn’t to solve the councils’ communication issues, but to get my application processed. For now, I’m still on track.

What are your biggest unresolved communication challenges? What opportunities are you missing out on because you don’t have the right skills?

The cost of inaction often outweighs the price of progress. Unfulfilled potential carries a high cost. Perhaps the highest cost of all. Not just to your bank balance, but to your personal dreams.