When I was 25, I moved out to the USA. My visa status didn’t allow me to work for about six months. I relied on a couple of employers who were willing to pay me cash.

Once my work permit arrived, my ‘real’ job search began. I initially accepted anything that paid the bills.

Eventually I secured a permanent position with a technology company. They offered good money and a competitive package.

The problem was, I didn’t know anything about technology. Many of my colleagues were seasoned veterans who knew the industry well. No-one expected me to last beyond my probationary period.

I asked a lot of questions. I made plenty of mistakes. I worked long hours.

After a few months, things began to click. I easily passed the probationary period. I regularly outperformed my more experienced peers. I was eventually promoted to a position earning three-four times as much.

I’ve been underestimated most of my life.

Having recently purchased a new home in Switzerland, we have a seemingly endless list of projects to spend money on.

Claudia and I are relatively straightforward to do business with. We look for people who are knowledgeable, have our best interests at heart, and possess a sense of humour. When we meet the right people, we make quick decisions. We don’t haggle (too much).

One of the projects we have been working on is an update to our home security system. The company we were in negotiation with had been slightly evasive and unhelpful.

We called the business owner, in an to attempt to move the project forward. We wanted to reset the conversation and establish a relationship based on good faith. The call didn’t go well.

Instead of demonstrating an attitude of service, and a desire to do business with us, the owner was arrogant, manipulative and disrespectful. He attempted to invoice us for a service we hadn’t signed up for and intimidate us into paying him.

We are at a slight disadvantage when negotiating with service people in Switzerland. I don’t speak the local language fluently. Claudia is a woman.

Some people prey on what they perceive to be a weakness. They think they can take advantage of us and manipulate us.

Behind her ‘sweet’ exterior, Claudia is a highly successful entrepreneur. She is an expert negotiator. She never backs down to bullies.

She’s been underestimated most of her life.

A few weeks ago I was being driven to the airport in an Uber. I’m usually curious to make conversation with the driver, and learn about their personal story.

This driver was a gentleman from Somalia. He was well-spoken and interesting to converse with. He was articulate and knowledgeable.

At some point in the conversation, I asked him what he had studied. He told me that he had successfully graduated with two master’s degrees.

I then asked him why he was driving a car for a living, instead of working in a field he clearly had much more passion to pursue.

He shared his plans to move back to Somalia and work for UNICEF. He seemed like a man with a plan, who knew what he wanted.

He also told me that most passengers speak to him like he’s stupid. They assume he’s uneducated, unintelligent, and lacking ambition.

He’s been underestimated most of his life.

I’ve yet to work with a client who doesn’t share a detailed story about a moment in their life when they were written-off or expected to fail.

Two things typically happen when your abilities are doubted:

• You subconsciously buy-in to the external doubt.
• You are driven to prove the doubters wrong.

Being underestimated is both a blessing and a curse. It provides fuel and motivation to your mission. It can also lead you to chase success that you don’t want.

There is someone in your life whose approval you are desperate to receive. This person is someone you have known since you were a child ” a parent, grandparent, sibling, uncle, teacher or friend.

They might be dead or alive. You secretly crave to hear the most precious words from them:.

“I’m proud of you.”

Think about who that person is. Right their name down. There is somebody.

Seeing their name will annoy you. Instinctively you will deny it. “There’s no way this person is deserving of playing such a pivotal role in my life.“

If you feel that way, it’s a sign you’ve identified the right person.

What would it take for you to let go of the need to hear those words? What if all the validation you ever needed came from yourself?

You instinctively know what you’re capable of achieving. You also know what makes you happy.

Make a commitment to yourself. Go after the things you want, for no other reason than because it will make you happy. This will be the least selfish pivot you ever take.

I cannot prevent people from questioning your choices, attempting to manipulate you, or underestimating your ability.

Be your own validation. Use the doubters for fuel, but never guidance.