Roughly two years ago we first viewed the house we now call home.

We weren’t ‘serious’ buyers. And, it turned out to be the only house we ever looked at.

As with most things in life, things that are ‘meant to be’ have a way of working out.

We’ve lived in the house for about 18 months now. Many improvement projects have been completed. Others are in progress. And, in many respects, the house looks like we have barely moved in.

The Staging Perception

I was recently looking through some photographs I took when I first visited our home.

The choice of décor does not match ours, but the house appears immaculate. Every room is meticulously designed. Every piece of furniture is perfectly placed.

That is a stark contrast to the house we now live in. Our floors and furniture are scattered with an ever-increasing arrangement of baby toys. Tables and countertops are often filled with piles of paperwork. There is little in the way of wall art. The garden is mostly unchanged since we moved in.

It would be easy to draw an unfavourable comparison. It would be easy to convince ourselves we have made little progress.

Neither of those conclusions would be fair, or even accurate.

We have done a lot. We have a plan of things we want to accomplish. We also want to take our time and consider the design carefully.

It is also true that when our house was for sale, it had been staged to look perfect.

Real life is not perfect. Real life cannot be staged.

The Staging Trap

It’s pretty common to stage a property if you are trying to sell it. If you were trying to sell your car, it’s advisable to get it washed and deep clean the interiors.

First impressions leave a lasting impact.

When I was growing up, I was often encouraged to make a strong first impression for important occasions – dress smartly, shine your shoes, put a comb through your hair.

There is merit to this way of thinking. I don’t disregard it completely.

It’s also true that there is a reality to life that cannot be dressed up, no matter how hard you try. When you own your messiness, people feel closer to you.

When you don’t know the answer to something, say “I don’t know!”

When you’re struggling to meet a deadline, be open with your struggle.

When you don’t understand something, ask questions.

The more you try to hide, lie, or fake, the more likely people are to see through your gloss. They will grow suspicious of you. They will trust you less.

Why Do We Stage Our Lives?

We are a society addicted to perfection.

Some suffer from it to a larger extent than others. We all experience it.

It’s been passed down to us from prior generations. We see it in magazines and on our television screens. Social media is full of people living perfect lives.

Perfection rubs off on all of us to some degree.

Perfection is an addiction. It’s impossible to achieve. And it drives you crazy trying to get there.

You do it to feel good. You believe that if you’re perfect in every possible way, you won’t be found out. You’ll be accepted. You’ll fulfil everything that life has to promise.

All you do is set the bar so high that it’s impossible to reach and exhaust yourself trying to get close to it.

The Antidote to Staging

I’m generally weary of any advice that encourages people to be less attached to outcomes, or to care less about the opinions of others. It’s not especially helpful and there’s no way to measure how well you’re doing.

The most effective way to overcome any addition is to spend less time focused on it. Instead, focus your mind on what’s important to you.

I’ll offer three simple steps (and I mean really simple)…

1. Define Success for Yourself. Create a clear vision for the life you want to create for yourself. Sense what it will feel like.
2. Set Clear and Achievable Goals. Take action against the things you believe will take you closer to realising your vision. Each goal can be so incredibly small.
3. Do Something. Keep moving forward. Be in the moment of taking small steps. Take note of the progress and celebrate the victories along the way.

There is no fun in being a staged version of yourself. Lay down the veneer and practice being you.

Be in something because you love it. Do it for no other reason than you want to be good at it.

Some weeks it will feel like you’re going nowhere. And others you’ll make giant leaps.

Your greatest achievement is finding happiness with whatever progress you have made. The bigger picture will reveal itself over time. It’s not for you to know how it all works out.