October 17th marked five years of sobriety for me.

The anniversary passed by largely unnoticed. But it has given me reason to pause and reflect.

I used to be a relatively heavy drinker. I also dabbled with recreational drugs a little too frequently for my liking.

I’m not a big fan of labels such as ‘alcoholic’ or ‘addict’ or any other modern diagnoses that are thrown around way too frequently. In my view, such labels don’t give sufficient credit to the complex relationships most of us have with ourselves and the lives we lead.

1. Accept That You Need to Change

For the roughly 25 years that I was a regular drinker, I had a lot of fun. I loved being social and will treasure the memories that were created.

But it wasn’t always fun. There were times when I used drink as a distraction to get through difficult moments.

Irrespective of the enjoyment I got from drinking, I knew I needed to make a change. To fulfill the big dreams I had for my life, and to fully explore my potential, it was clear that a life with drugs and alcohol was holding me back.

The future I envisioned for myself was one of curiosity and intrigue. It’s a future where I am challenged professionally and enjoy magical relationships. There is no room for any disempowering habits.

2. Know What You Want.

I’d taken lengthy breaks from alcohol before. But I was never fully committed to not drinking again. It felt too big. All of my friends and much of my socialising was built around drinking.

I know that I possess strong willpower. If I push myself to achieve something I typically get the results I intend. But willpower alone is rarely a sufficient ingredient for long term success.

Humans perform better when we have a reward or a prize to set our sights on. Instead of focusing on the challenge, I put my attention on the life I was moving towards.

Before I drank my last drink, I made an agreement with myself. I was clear that the life I’d enjoyed as a drinker was no longer serving me. It wasn’t especially fun anymore. I drank because it was easy, and it was what I knew. But it wasn’t what I wanted.

3. Lean Into Your Fear

Meaningful transformation cannot be accomplished without taking the first step. All the dreaming and planning and visualising needs to be turned into action.

Procrastination is the place where many dreams remain unfulfilled. There are two reasons you procrastinate. Either because something is not that important or because you’re afraid.

My fear was around losing friends, being ostracised, not fitting in, or perhaps failing to make the desired transformation. All these fears were very real.

It was important to hold my fears up against the light. There was a certain reality to each of my fears. But there was also a massive upside.

To fulfil my desire of spending more time with interesting people, and in interesting places, I would need to create space in my life.

I haven’t lost any friends or been cut out of any social groups. And I can honestly say that I have very little interest in many of the things that I was once afraid to miss out on. My life has evolved.

4. Only Commit to ‘One’ Day

Being sober for five years, or 10 years, or 30 years was never a goal I set. It isn’t my goal today.

It’s too big of a goal. It feels overwhelming. Any goal longer than three months is difficult to accomplish. That’s the reason so many yearly resolutions are broken by February.

The only day you have any control over is today. Whatever transformation you want to accomplish, make a fresh commitment every day. It’s a goal you can relate to and a goal you can accomplish.

I have no idea if I’ll be sober five years from now. But I’m certain I won’t have a drink today.

5. Be Fully Committed

When I told people that I wasn’t going to drink at whatever event I happened to be at, the reaction was generally one of surprise, disbelief, and sometimes annoyance.

Some would try to convince me that it was a bad idea. That would typically involve desperate persuasions designed to convince me to change my mind. Five years later, one or two people still try to convince me that I should have a drink.

If you’re familiar with the crab mentality, you will understand why people do this. It’s used to describe the ‘if I can’t have it, then neither can you’ mindset. 

Also, be mindful that your friends and network are secretly happy when they see you struggle. It’s not because they don’t love. They really do. Your success brings out their fear, timidity, jealousy and regret.

There was a time when it would annoy me if people attempted to push me off my course. Now it makes me smile. I understand their intentions. I’m fully committed to myself and have my eye on the life I’m creating.

There will be challenges. There will be temptation. There will be narrow lanes with steep cliffs to navigate your way through. You need to be fully committed.

6. Make It a Game

Christmas is a time of the year that goes hand in hand with drinking where I come from. It’s impossible to be involved with the festivities and not be surrounded by drink.

As a drinker, it was a time of the year I looked forward to. The pubs would be full of happy faces. Many of my friends would arrange get togethers.

I knew that if I could get through Christmas without drinking, I could get through anything. So I made it a challenge. I had fun with it.

It’s important that you celebrate the milestones and successes along your journey. It’s part of the reason why you try so hard to achieve success. Give yourself a reward. Make it enjoyable.

If you have an important goal you want to accomplish, try working through these six steps.

If you’re in the middle of a lifechanging transformation, I’d love to hear your story.

If you find it difficult to get started, it’s because it’s not that important to you, or you’re afraid. Remember, you can do a little scary.